Little Watchmen

As I previously mentioned, the Watchmen movie is bound to be a commercial, if not critical success (of course, I failed to factor in today’s economy — duh — is it too late to hedge my bets?)

But assuming it makes Warner Bros./Fox/Paramount/whomever else can claim box-office rights a boatload of money, it is never too early to turn toward the inevitable sequel — this is Hollywood, baby, where a follow-up to a commercial superhero success is inevitable, no matter how ludicrous.

So sequelly speaking, Warners/Fox/Paramount is lucky to already have half the cast of Little Children involved in its film. Because the only way to go forward is to go backwards — we’re talking prequel.


Yes, here comes Watchmen 2: Origins.

With Jackie Earle Haley in the role of masked hero Rorschach, look for the Watchmen prequel where we see a young Walter Jospeh Kovacs as a teenage cigarette-smoking, motorcycle-riding, air-hockey-hustling star center fielder for the Chico’s Bail Bonds-sponsored Bears in the North Valley League under the tutelage of grizzled Southern Californian drunk/pool cleaner Walter Matthau.

Later, we see Rorschach’s middle-age fall-from-grace, as he takes a date on a creepy drive to park at a local playground, with predictable results.

In a coincidence necessitated by placing main characters onscreen together, a few days prior, Patrick Wilson’s new Nite Owl is at a public pool and witnesses Rorschach causing a panic by taking a dip because he “only wanted to cool off.”

It hardly matters to Nite Owl though, as he is otherwise mesmerized by skateboard culture and the heavenly Kate Winslet (digression, so am I).

As in the Batman Begins-Dark Knight series, the lone main female character is recast, with Little Children alumn Jennifer Connelly taking over as the new Silk Spectre/Laurie, married now to Nite Owl and filming a documentary, oblivious to her husband’s straying with a beautiful illiterate former Nazi prison guard.

The Comedian, too, is recast with Robert Downey Jr. in the role, as we see the Comedian’s rise as debaucherous arms-dealing magnate before undergoing a controversial skin treatment and heading off on a secret mission to Vietnam with Ben Stiller.

Meanwhile, Jon Osterman, in Billy Crudup’s perfectly 1950s Brylcreemed glory, joins Jon Hamm’s Don Draper for a three-martini lunch. They’re drinking, of course, Manhattans.


One Comment on “Little Watchmen”

  1. pussified says:

    i’m excited because jimcent will actually go to the movies with me to see this. but i think i’m looking forward to Wolverine Origins more.

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